I’ve been a bit challenged lately. Last week when I sent out my summary email to the team of progress over the week, I stated at the top “my head hurts, I think that’s it”. I’m still in the phase of I know that I don’t know, but I think it’s now in the whole how come I don’t know and when will I know or am I never going to know because those who know, don’t want me to know, or alternatively, don’t know themselves, they just keep moving forward because that’s a good option. But then, if they don’t know, how do they know it’s forwards?
Confused? Me too. I’ve had a very large range of administration experience. I used to be at one end of the spectrum where the rules were followed at all cost. I have seen some operate as if the rules don’t even exist. I think in the middle is the balance. I just don’t know where it is. I’ve spent most of my working life trying to find it.
Now I think I’ve realised it is different every time. For one person in one situation the balance will be in place ‘X’. But for that same person in a different situation it might be ‘Y’, or a different person in the same situation will be ‘Z’. In order to stop my head hurting I think I need to realise that it doesn’t matter where everyone else is, it matters where I am. What can I live with? What can I accept as the balance?
For this project, I am seeing so many sides of the experience it is mind boggling. And yet inspiring. I am seeing everyone searching for their fulcrum and more interestingly, unlike some other places I’ve worked, the search is happening. People do want to find that balance between outcome and administration. Following the rules and bending them to meet the best outcome they can. When I think of people in this way it makes it easier to work to their balance, not mine. Maybe it’s not that I need to focus on what I can live with, but how I can help others live with their choice?
Who knew this would be the best job ever? After all, how many jobs do you have in your life that make you think really hard about yourself and who you want to be?